accomplished twins. life is a go
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
