I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
