She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
