All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
