this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
