my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
