You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
