i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
