Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
