I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
