She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have feelings that need drinking.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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