Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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