i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
