i would punch a child for taco bell
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
