ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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