shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
