bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
