i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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