Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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