Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
