So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
