Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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