just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
