First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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