i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
