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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There r osticjed everywhere
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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