I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
