Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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