is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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