i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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