First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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