hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
