I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
