dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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