Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
