guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
wow bdsm is so cute
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
