This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
