shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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