The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
