My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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