Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
