his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
