She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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