Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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