you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
