My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How does one acquire holy water?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
