Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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