Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
