A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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