Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
