one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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