just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
