the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
