Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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