if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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