She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
