gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
