I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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