if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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