Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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