Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
