I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
