Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
