I faked an abortion last night.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
