Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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