At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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