I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
