She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
