you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
